~The Great Tony Katdander~
Chapter 1
Tony Katdander and the Yeast Whars
E. Bronanus was quietly watching a film on the public television station, when there was a sudden loud knock on the front door.
He quickly looked at the door.
Suddenly his front door didn't look so safe by the sound of "that" knock.
He realized all that was separating him from the outside world was a pretty flimsy piece of wood.
That suddenly made him very nervous.
So he got up slowly, making sure not to make a sound.
And slowly twisted himself in the opposite direction of "that" knock.
He made a stupid face every time the floor creaked or the front door knocked.
Half way through the house and half way to freedom, he suddenly heard a knock coming from the back door.
His escape route if you will.
Sweat and tears oozed ubiquitously.
Snot, streamed from his nose.
The game was over!?
Or was it?
Now both doors were knocking rather aggressively...
Did I mention that E. Bronanus was gorgonized.
meanwhile...
Tony Katdander put his pants on both legs at a time like his mother.
It was 11:37 PM when he left his parents house to go and start his shift at the yeast factory.
The night was damp enough for him to put his car wipers on, even though it wasn't raining.
His breath fogged the wind shield from inside as he drove, so he lowered all his windows and wiped the glass in front of him with a dried snot rag.
Eventually he could see the road in front of him but through a smeared view.
Tonight felt different for Tony, it had been a week since he broke up with the widow Lady Thurnsbouegh and yet, he still felt empty inside.
Add to that, the strength in his pelvic region was starting to weaken and stink.
And he went to the bathroom a lot more.
His brakes squealed as he applied them and came to a full stop.
He had arrived at his second home.
The Yeast Factory...
Once inside, he was told to report to the company doctor.
After carefully examining Tony, he told him to put his underpants, shirt and pants back on.
And said that he needed a urine, semen and stool sample because of his age and before he went to work.
Tony looked at his watch and asked if he could just leave his underpants instead because he was pressed for time.
The doctor declined.
Chapter 2
A sour yeast cheese.
In the company locker room, Tony cleaned himself with wet naps after the doctor visit and dried himself with a sour smelling wash cloth that he found tucked away at his parent down stairs washroom.
Smiling he ran down his companies hall ways, to get to work on time.
'Whew' thought Tony as he ran 'but that was cutting it close' 'I should of hurried at the doctors office'
His smile faded as he thought about this and slowly jogged to his work station.
He put on his company issued pyjamas on and went to work.
Sleeping at his desk and making yeast in his sleep.
Disgusting.
One night, he dreamt that he was shaken awake by a fellow co-worker and asked why he was sleeping on the job?
He responded "Last night I dreamt that I was awake..."
"So?" responded the co-worker.
"...and I can prove it". Said Tony Katdander.
Then he fell asleep again.
Chapter 3
Yeast farts.
Tony was awakened to the sour smell of yeast.
It disgusted him too no end.
Tony spit in his right hand and wiped his face with it.
He then dried it with a used rag towel he found at a thrift store for 25 cents.
Fackle.
Tony then reflected about the past and how it had won.
He felt cheated by life.
His moment of promise wasn't coming anytime soon.
And the debts in his life that he wanted to even, were piling up.
Something had to be done!
So he decided to become a Mexican wrestler.
Then he didn't.
Chapter 4
The Butler does it...
in his pants!
It was about five in the morning when E. Bronanus was confronted in his own living space.
There was aggressive knocking on the front door and the back, as well as on the the very walls of his cheaply sided rented house.
He did what any coward would do and hid.
After 20 minutes the banging finally stopped.
He took a deep breath at his secret hiding place and wished the worst over.
But it wasn't, shear terror was to commence.
Soon the doors and the windows were suddenly smashed open and the whole house began creaking with lots of people.
Chapter 5
A limerick...
...there was a pious young priest.
Who lived solely on eating his yeast.
"For ," he said "it is plain, that we shall all rise again."
And ate at it like it was FEECE.
Chapter 6
E. Bronanus and the ghosts of former house guests.
After sleeping through the night, E. Bronanus emerged from his hiding place in the morning.
His stomach growled then gass moved throughout his intestines and he had to pee.
Nothing had been smashed or broken open and nothing was disturbed.
He crowned for a second, then gophered it the rest of the morning.
Disgusting!
A face flashed in his head for a nanosecond of a man that he had never seen before nor met, then he called out..."TONY?!!"
Chapter 7
Tony visits his extended family.
After an hour and a half of driving, Tony finally arrived at his extended families home.
His wife and three kids.
He paid the rent for them and the bills there but lived with his parents.
He only visited his wife when her sister took the kids and only saw his children when they were sick and family was around.
Tony thought how lucky he was and farted some yeast in his pants.
Disgusting.
Chapter 8
E. Bronanus finds a clue that links Tony Katdander to him.
Tony happened to be watching an old BBC show on VHS.
When the name E.Bronanus was mentioned.
This puzzled him at first but then he remembered being over at some guys house in the late seventies and he had to use the washroom.
"Now that takes me back and he didn't have any toilet paper." Tony said out loud.
He also remembered how embarrassed he was at that moment and that he used a wash cloth lying near the toilet.
After using it, he decided to take it home to be washed then return it because he didn't want to hide it in the guys washroom to be eventually found.
The first person to see Tony try to steal the wash cloth as he was leaving his residence was E. Bronanus because it was sticking out of Tony's coat pocket.
He grabbed it from Tony because it wasn't his, it was his neighbours wife who lent it to him.
Eventually he returned it to his neighbour without checking it.
She did and then wrote to a newspaper advice column asking what to do.
"Be offended."
The advice column answered.
Chapter 9
Disclaimer.
Open truth.
I don't know how to end this.
I forget where I was going.
All I know is that it all works out and makes sense in the end.
