What? You don't believe me?
Then look real hard at the picture to your right/my left.
Exhibit A: Grandma is seated to your left/my right, on the couch. She's in shock. "...this situation can't be happening to me?" She mumbles.
Please note the shades.
Exhibit C: Exhibit B was accidentally flushed. The only solid evidence we had was flushed. Dammit!
Exhibit D: The Lady next to Grandma is Uschi Klein and she's scared. Who knows and who cares but apparently she was always in sight of the apartment door and stared at it when seated. If there was a loud noise, she got up quickly and made her way towards it.
Once she left her purse behind.
Guess what was inside?
No. Something gross.
We'll never know exactly what it was because my mother grabbed the purse, opened it, then preceded to puke into it.
To this day, it's not mentioned in the family and Uschi never brought her purse over again.
Exhibit E: Next to Uschi Klein was Aunt Rosie with some guy who belched every second word and farted when he laughed really hard, then laughed harder until it left a stain in his underpants. He implied this and none of us bothered to check.
Aunt Rosie was no catch. There I said it.
And she was not a guy, just to dispel some rumors.
How do I know?
Third party.
Exhibit X: My Uncle Louie.
He had, what I considered the hairiest nostrils in the universe.
Until Uncle Milty eventually took over that title.
Uncle Louies shoes always stunk of dog poop whenever he came over. But was always encouraged by my parents to keep them on. Later in life I found out why...when he took them off.
Never a kind word for my parents and acted like he never forgave them for something. If you were under sixty five he ignored you. That pretty much just left grandma for him to talk to. So when he did try to talk to her, she pretty much acted like she was absolutely offended when he tried.
Add to this, when he took his glasses off to wipe them, he looked "stupider" and yes I spelt that right.
The evening suddenly ended, when Grandma wanted to go to bed. Usually at 7:30 PM and on the couch.
So there you have it, the proof that Grandma had the best parties.
by
Man About Town
Dickster Evans
